Josef Hader

"There's always something. Either my feet fall asleep. Or they itch. Then I can't catch my breath when I walk faster. Or I have a sweat outbreak. Then I get cold again. The food doesn't taste good to me anymore, the sex is dull, my pants are too tight. What is this, please? - It must all be this climate change, right? Temperatures in summer are like in the tropics! Suddenly, there are these huge insects! They didn't exist before! If they sting you, you get a bump that doesn't go away for months! They're probably all genetically modified. And the plants! They're getting weird too. The plants are going crazy! They're all growing together now! Since I stopped going out of the house. My theory is that the plants want to take back control of the planet. They're all connected underground through their roots. Worldwide! The plants have a secret plan. They want the total destruction of Western culture and Austrian folk rock 'n' roll. All of that should be replaced by, uh, photosynthesis."

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